Wakati wa kunanihii si mara zote huwa penzi......
Kwenye moja ya makala zangu kuna mshirika (Moses) aligusia mahitaji ya wanawake na wanaume ktk mahusiano ya kimapenzi(nitalizungumzia hilo ktk siku zijazo).
Leo napenda kugusia kidogo kuhusu hitaji moja mbalo sote tunahitaji lakini tuna feli (fail) kulitekeleza, hitaji hilo ni “Affection” ukilitekeleza ni kuwa “affectionate” kwa mwenza wako…………Kiswahili chake ndio nini?
Tumeshuhudia mahusiano mengi ya kimapenzi kuanzia baba na mama, ndugu, jamaa na marafiki wakipendana au kuwa pamoja kama wapenzi, lakini ni mara chache sana utawaona hawa wapenzi wakionyeshana kuwa wanapendana kwamba sio “affectionate".
Ni kweli kuwa unampenda mwenzi na unamjulisha unampenda kwa kumwambia, lakini kumbuka kuwa penzi ni hisia ulizo nazo wewe juu yake. Unahisi kabisa bila yeye wewe ni hamna kitu hapa Duniani lakini yeye haoni hilo unless ufanye kwa vitendo yaani uonyeshe unampenda mwenzio.
Huenda ni kutokana na tamaduni au mila na desturi kwamba hupaswi kufanya mambo Fulani ukiwa nje ya chumba/nyumba, lakini kuna baadhi ya watu hata wakiwa mahali peke yao kama wapenzi huwa hakuna kutekeleza hilo hitaji kitu ambacho mwenza wako ataona kama vile humpendi au humjali na uko nae kama msaidizi (ATM,mpishi,usafi n.k) au mtu wa kukuburudisha kwa kutumia mwili wake.
Kuwa “affectionate” kwa mpenzi wako huitaji kumkumbatia na kumlamba/busu mbele ya kadamnasi bali unaweza kumshika mkono,kutembea nae ubavu to ubavu (sio baba mbele mama nyuma na furushi lake kichwani) vilevile unaweza msaidia furushi ukiweza unambebea hata mkoba wake n.k..
Kwa sasa naishia hapa, nitarudi baada ya masaa machache kumalizia, karibu
Comments
I have tried to look for your e-mail address but couldn't find. The article I am sending you is just a small part of the whole issue of Love and Affection!
Again, it is in English and I could have time to translate it.
Let me explain in more detail the woman’s need for Love and affection as I hinted you last time. Starting with definition, affection is the strong thinking of a person as being pleasant of satisfactory.
Love is essential for the survival of all human from babyhood on. But the way each sex needs love to be expressed is different. Often before marriage when a young man tries to win the heart of a woman he adores, he persists night and day with loving words and romantic gestures. But once she becomes his bride, he often fails to recognise her intense need to feel loved on day-to-day basis for the rest of her love.
Because of her capacity for affection, daily expressions of romantic love are vital to woman’s existence. These are the keys for self-worth, her satisfaction with married life and her sexual responsiveness. If a man feels trapped in a bored, tired marriage marked by a dull sex life, he might look to himself for part of the answer. By consistently and thoughtfully expressing affectionate attention, many men could melt the heart of even the most rigid wife.
One bewildered husband complained of not being able to understand his wife, he said, “I have given her everything she wants and needs. We have a big house in the best part of the town (like Masaki), with our own satellite dish and a big screen TV. She has many expensive jewels than she can wear. We are members of the best clubs in the town. I am faithful husband, who doesn’t drink or beat the kids. But she says she’s miserable and I can’t figure out why!”
This man doesn’t realise that his wife would trade the big house they have and its conveniences together with those expensive jewels for a few words of affection and his undivided attention. Satellite dishes, big screen TV’s and even membership in famous clubs do not make a woman feel cherished, but being somebody’s sweetheart does.
Many men are unaware of the women’s continuing need for romantic love and affection. Usually when a couple seeks my counseling services, I frequently ask them to grade their marriage on the scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being high and 1 low. I ask for the male evaluation first. The average male (regardless of the state of his marital affairs) usually grades the relationship at eight with seven being low. Where does his wife grade the relationship? Three or may be four. One woman graded her marriage at minus two! Where did her husband grade it? Ten! He said they were perfect for each other and didn’t understand the problem.
Why do males view their marriages so differently from females? When it comes to marriage, many men are ready to settle for a business arrangement of sorts. As long they get meals served on time, have clean clothes to put on in the morning when they need them, and sex when they ask for it, the tendency is to shrug their shoulders and say, “Everything is fine around here”. Their basic needs are being met.
This is not so for women. Affectionate attention may be an added benefit to a man, but to a woman it is an absolute necessity. Women in “business arrangement” marriage a crawling their emotion walls – and their husbands aren’t even aware of it.
A young bride of a few weeks was lying on the bed with her head resting on her husband’s shoulder. After a long silence she asked her husband, “what are you thinking of?” (Men if you and your wife are lying on the bed with her head resting on your shoulder and she asks what you are thinking about PLEASE BE THINKING ABOUT HER!)
“Oh,” her husband replied, “I was just wondering what I should tell the boss tomorrow when he asks about the job I’ve been working on.”
“Oh,” she said. Then she waited.
Any man with a grain of knowledge about a woman’s needs would have known that she was waiting to ask him what he was thinking about after such a long silence. But this husband didn’t. Instead he asked, “Are you going to fix supper pretty soon?” She clenched her teeth and flatly announced that she would fix it in a little while. “Well,” he offered cheerily, “I’ll be glad to teach you how my mother did that”.
That did it. She blew sky-high. He was puzzled and hurt. He didn’t understand why she was so angry and he felt she was being unreasonable.
Of course, if she was expecting him to read her mind and know what she wanted him to ask her, she was being unreasonable. But a sensitive husband will learn to recognise the signs of his wife reaching out to him for affection and he should offer plenty of loving attention even without being asked….(it continues)
Moses Jakanyangoe
Tusiojua kidhungu basi nitamuomba Kitururu awe mkalimani.
Moses nakupa shavu.
thx
Nipe